God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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