Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
