i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize