I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
