You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
