He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
