I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
