she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
