My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
