the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
