I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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