Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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