Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
