my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
