Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
