my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
be right there i have to get my cape
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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