i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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