My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
