There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
