i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
