thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
