I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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