Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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