god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
