guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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