You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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