Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
