if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
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