you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
