I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
