Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
