No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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