Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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