From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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