I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize