i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
