I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
