it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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