Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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