u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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