ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
