No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
