I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize