he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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