You really coming over, don't trick.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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