I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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