All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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