I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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