I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
