Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
