I'm going to jail i love you
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize