I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
