I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
