Barsexuality is the new black.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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