Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think my nap took me to another dimension
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
