Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
