Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
