So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just want nice things and good sex
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
