I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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