He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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