update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
