please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
