The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
