just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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