oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
