im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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