I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
