He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
