the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
