Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
